"To err is human. To really screw things up, you need religion." -?

(Background information: I hate when things get mixed up, so I’d like to clarify what I mean by “tutoring” before I start. I do not mean it in the ‘extra help’ sense many use it for. In the stead of physically going to the high school, a teacher employed through the school comes to my house and teaches me whatever material the school teachers left for me in the attendance office. It’s sort of like being home schooled, only with a professional instead of my parents.)

I have a clock. Yesterday, at 11:11AM, I made a wish on it. I’ll restate it here: “I wish I wouldn’t have tutoring today!” Now, I know what you’re thinking: You’ve probably wished on a clock before, too, or think that the practice is complete rubbish. But please, hear me out before jumping to conclusions!

I know, I surely do, about all the stories where people have wished at 11:11 and nothing happened. But, seriously, what do they expect? They probably weren’t wishing on the right type of clock, or they were wishing without sincerity. For all I know, they could have thought it was just a game, and it wouldn’t really work. How could you expect things to turn out in your favor if you aren’t going about it in the correct manner?

Now I’ll tell you about my own, personal experience. Yesterday morning, while I had chocolate cupcakes in the oven and was waiting on them to come out to start preparing the frosting, I noticed that the digital clock on the DVR said that it was 11:11AM. It was a Monday and I am a teenager, so I obviously wasn’t looking forward to tutoring. (Seriously, all we’ve been doing is review for the Regent exams!) So, looking at the clock, I made the wish above about being sparred from the two hours of headaches.

Later, around quarter till one, I was back in the kitchen preparing some chocolate frosting for the cooling cupcakes. Lo and behold, my tutor choose that moment to show up at my front door. I vaulted over the two gates between the kitchen and the hall (I have a sixteen month old nephew living with me, haha) and I started talking to her with a rubber spatula in my hands.

Me: You’re fifteen minutes early… and I’m, err, frosting cupcakes.
Tutor: I’m only ten…
Me: Well, since you’re early either way, can I frost them really quick before we start?
Tutor: Actually, you have no new work! I’m just here to pick up some of your finished English, and then I’ll be on my way.

As I jogged to my bedroom to grab a packet of journals written in response to prompts made by the teacher, I couldn’t believe it! My wish to the clock had been granted! I gave my tutor the packet with a smile, and then was soon back to happily frosting my cupcakes.

Now, I know you’re all wondering… what the heck does this have to do with the title? Well, in the case that a reader might still not realize it, I’d like to propose an idea — a new way of living, if you will.

I propose we all start turning to our clocks with all of our hopes and desires! Honestly, it is the obvious way to go. All over the place, you see people talking about how they are making wishes at 11:11. How could so many people be wrong?

There are even songs about clocks! Haven’t you heard the only that goes, “It’s five o’clock somewhere…”? That is a clear illustration of how clocks provide hope in ways other than simply granting wishes. And what about that other song, ‘Grandfather’s Clock‘? That is not only one of my fond childhood memories from elementary school music class, but it has a deep meaning. It shows the interpersonal relationship between clocks and their owners.

Again, I know, I know:

“That is complete and utter trash! Are you really so gullible? So, you got hit with a stroke of luck… it’s simple probability, you fool!”

“A clock isn’t anything sentient. I pity you’re mislead soul. You can’t see the clock doing things. There isn’t a book of eye-witness testimony about the life of a great clock.”

“Wishes at 11:11 are child’s play, simple superstition.”

I call you all blasphemers! The clock has done great things in my life! It’s digital, glowing lights that form beautiful numbers have lead me places. The practice of wishing to the clock gives me an awesome hope. The clock explains things modern science simply cannot touch.

Until you have a personal experience with a clock, you couldn’t possibly understand. Clocks are the very essence of time, and they have all of the time in the world. Clocks grant dreams in their own time. You just have to keep at it. A clock strikes 11:11 twice a day, which gives you plenty of time to relay to one your ambitions. Do not be discouraged if it doesn’t happen right away! Again, clocks work on their time. Also, clocks have this great way of knowing just what will and will not benefit you. The clock may disregard a wish if it is not in scope with the incredibly awesome things the clock has in store for you.

In conclusion, I hope you never look at your clock in the same way again. I hope that you will realize the raw power they hold. And I sincerely hope you can recognize a satire when it is biting you in the rear.